Limo Jokes / Recent Jokes

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at more...

One day a limo was driving the pope from New Orleans to Houston. Just before they got to Lafayette, Louisiana the pope asked the limo driver if he could drive the limosine. The limo driver did not want to upset the pope so he allowed him to drive. It wasnt seconds after the pope got behind the wheel that he was exceeding the speed limit by forty miles an hour. Soon after a deputy stoped the limo and went up to the driver side window. "sir i will be just a minute" the deputy replied. When the deputy got back to his squad car he called the sheriff on the radio. Yes sir sheriff we got a situation out here about ten miles oustide lafayette. "Whats the problem? I just stoped a limo doing one hundred miles an hour in a 60 mile an hour zone and dont know what to do. Give that sum bitch a ticket the sheriff replied. I dont know if I can give him a ticket said the deputy, this man is important people. The sheriff asked the deputy is he more important than me? The deputy replied more...

Is this your first trip to Malaysia? Are you a tourist, a businessman or a Mat Salleh expatriate waylaid from the safe haven of Bangsar? If you are, here's some lessons to help you along Lesson 1 You have just landed in Subang International Airport and the first thing you want to do is to call your Malaysian friend. If you're calling him at home or at the office, the first thing to say on the phone is "Eh, what you doing?". If you're calling him on the handphone (cellular phone) the standard greeting is "Eh, where are you?" Lesson 2 Your Malaysian friend has graciously offered to pick you from the airport. He said "Give me half an hour?", be prepared to wait at least one and a half hours. This is probably your first (of many) encounter with Malaysian Timing. There's no need to adjust your watch. Whatever time a Malaysian tells you, just add (minimum) one hour, and you won't go wrong. Lesson 3 You have no friends in Malaysia (yet) and you decide to take a more...

This guy goes to the doctor for a vasectomy. Unlike the usual patients, he shows up in a limo, and he's sitting in the doctor's office in a rented tuxedo with black tie.
The doctor says, "I've done a lot of these, but I've never seen a limo and tuxedo before. What's the story?"
To which the fellow responds, "If I'm gonna BE im-potent, I'm gonna LOOK im-potent!"

This guy goes to the doctor for a vasectomy. Unlike the usual patients, he shows up in a limo, and he's sitting in the doctor's office in a rented tuxedo with black tie.The doctor says, "I've done a lot of these, but I've never seen a limo and tuxedo before. What's the story?"To which the fellow responds, "If I'm gonna BE im-potent, I'm gonna LOOK im-potent!"

One day this little boys mother was about to take a shower and the boy said "
Mommy, Mommy! Can I take one with you?"
The mother said "
Sure, Just dont look down."
The boy said O.K but got in the shower and looked down anyway and said "
Whats that?"
His mom Said thats my garage. The boy asked "
Why do You have a garage?"
The mother said for daddy's limo.
The next day the boy went up to his dad and said Daddy, Daddy canI take a shower with you?
The dad said yhea just don't look down. They got in the shower and the boy looked down. He said Daddy, Daddy what's that. His father answered Thats my limo. Whats it for asked the boy. To park in mommy's garage answered his father.
The next morning as the boys grandma was about to hop in the shower the little boy asked if he could go in with her. She said yes just don't look up. The boy got in and looked up and said Grandma, Grandma What are those? Those are more...

Shaggy, Shania Twain, and Britney Spears go in a limo to a restaurant. Someone farts and Shaggy says,"Wasn't me!".
Shania Twain says," That don't impress me much."
Britney Spears says,"Oops, I did it again."
The next day they go in a limo to a bar and someone farts. Shaggy says," Wasn't me!".
Shania Twain says," That don't impress me much."
Britney Spears says," Stronger than yesterday."