Lipstick Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first.2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.7. Taxis stop for us.8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies... (you get the point).11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.16. If we forget to more...
* Free dinners.
* You can cry without pretending there's something in your contact.
* Speeding ticket? What's that?
* You actually get extra points for sitting on your butt, watching sports.
* If you're a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being.
* A new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
* In high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned.
* If you have to be home in time for Ally McBeal, you can say so, out loud.
* If you're not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling.
* If you're not very attractive, you can fool' em with makeup.
* If you use self-tanner, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a big loser.
* You could possibly live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
* Brad Pitt.
* You don't have to fart to amuse yourself.
* You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clippers.
* When you more...
Reason's why it's great to be a woman Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. Speeding ticket? What's that? New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling. You can sleep your way to the top. You can sue the President for sexual harassment. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo. Brad Pitt. No one passes out when you take off your shoes. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store. If you forget to shave, no one has to know. If you're dumb, some people will find it cute. You have the ability to dress yourself. If you marry someone twenty years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot. You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist. You can quickly end any fight by crying. Your friends won't think you're weird more...
A University professor once conducted a survey on what happens to the Lipstick used by the ladies. These are the results.
5% of the Lipstick is sticked to the cutlery.
25% of the lipstick goes to Tissue Paper & Cotton Tabs at the time of removeing the Make Up.
15% of the Lipstick goes in Drain at the Time of Washing Face & Lips.
10% is Dumpped in the Garbage as Unused.
5% of the Lipstick is found in the Womens Stomach Due to Newer Flavours & Essences.
And the remaing 40% of the Lipstick I Gaurantee you that you will find it in Man's Stomach.
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M+M's in alphabetical order! Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see more...
Why it`s better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend`s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We`ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don`t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies. .. (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we`re gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE`RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new more...
The junior high school was having trouble with the seventh grade girls leaving lipstick marks all over the mirrors in the girls bathrooms. No amount of warnings or requests to stop helped. So the principal called the girls into one of the girls restrooms for a talk. "You all may not realize how difficult it is for our custodian, Mr. Anderson, to remove these marks so I`ve called him in to demonstrate what he has to go through." Mr. Anderson stepped forward with a long-handled scrub brush in hand which he immediately sloshed around in the toilet before using it scrubbing the mirrors. There was never again a problem with lipstick marks on the mirrors.