Lisa Jokes / Recent Jokes
Lisa came up behind her husband while he was drinking his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"Ow!" Larry exclaimed. "What was that for?"
"I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name' Mary Lou' written on it," she said angrily. "You better have a good explanation!"
"Calm down, honey," Larry said. "I was at the dog track last week and that was the name of the dog I bet on."
Later that same day, Lisa walked up to her husband and smacked him hard on the forehead when he walked in the door from work.
"What the heck was that for?" he demanded.
"Your dog just called."
Q: What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
A: "Boy, that's a relief. I thought she married a black guy!"
Right after Lisa Marie had Michael Jackson's baby, they went to see her gynecologist. After the baby's exam, Michael asked the doctor, "Doctor, how long will it be before we can have sex?" The doctor replied, "Well, Michael, you probably ought to wait until he's at least 10 or 11."
Q: What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Micheal Jackson when he popped her the question?
A: "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing... NO KIDS!"
1. Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
2. Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
3. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.
4. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
5. It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
6. Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful...magical animal.
7. Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late more...
A Story to tell your children……..
Once upon a time, in the Valley of Silicon, the two-headed Wizard of Apples went for a walk. The two heads, both of which were named Steve, looked around, and spied a beautiful PARC.
“This is truly a beautiful PARC! ” Steve exclaimed.
“Yes, it is, ” agreed Steve. “It is very graphical. And do you see how happy the mice are? ” For indeed, the joyful rodents scampered about, running in and out of windows, around icons, and leaping over the garbage cans.
“Do you think we could make a PARC as beautiful as this? ” Steve asked.
“Nay, ” said Steve. “Not a PARC, but perhaps we can let this inspire us to build a woman. And we could call her… Gertrude. ”
And so they fashioned their woman, but instead of Gertrude, they called her Lisa. And she, too, was nice to mice. But alas, the User rejected Lisa, for it was said her price was too high.
“But this will never do, ” the User cried. “Do you more...
Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.
"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one condition.""What is that?" Lisa asked."You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied."