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If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man. If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing. If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding. If you make romance, you are an' experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man. If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing. If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy. If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her. If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her. If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way. If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another,' oh it's natural, we are girls'. If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. more...

1. Watch the sunset- on a sled.2. Smile more, -it might get you a free beer.3. Complain less. -It might get you a free beer.4. Surprise a friend with a call. - It might get you a free beer.5. Develop your gifts. - You might need them.6. Count your blessings. - You might need these too! 7. Talk to someone in an elevator. - Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer.8. Breathe consciously once in a while. - This cures snoring.9. Enjoy sneezes - and stay behind the one sneezing.10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, - unless you are an actor.11. Be unique, -it demonstrates difference! 12. Sing in the shower. - With a friend! 13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, - or have someone laugh at you.14. Make someone's day, - or night.15. Stand on your head. - For a free beer! 16. Stare at the world above you. - Hopefully not from under a bar.17. Play with an animal. - Be sure it is one which cannot eat you! 18. Slurp Jell-O. -Add Vodka for more...

I listen to the police band on my CB radio. Once I dialed 911 and dedicated a crime to my girlfriend.

A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC. He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, "Listen, Im going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didnt realize that. But listen, Im really in a bind so Im going to have to trust you anyway."

this bloke goes to the doctor and says to the doctor i have a bad leg listen.
so the bloke picks his leg up and it says
give me

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, “Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot.”

The father explained, “No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.”

So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.

Furious, the mother shouted, “Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!”

Skirts are better ventillated, making you more comfortable, and possibly less prone to infertility and impotence.
No more caught zippers (or things caught painfully in zippers).
You have a better choice of colours, styles, and fabrics with skirts,
So much more convenient for making love in the open air
No more trousers getting caught in your bicycle chain; throw those trouser clips away!
No more white legs when you strip off to swim
You too can learn to double cross your legs like your wife or girlfriend; Give your boss something else to think about while he lectures you about your poor results.
Erections can be more easily disguised under the folds, and more easily acted upon when the moment is right.
You're a new man feminist? Great! then you'll WANT to identify with your female friends/partner(s); learn to share skirts with them; go on buying expeditions together; no need to stop at the door of the underwear department either!
Beat that prejudice more...