Lose Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you meet a woman, and you like her, then she...
has a jealous boyfriend 6'4" 280 pounds
is a confirmed lesbian
only wants to be friends
doesn't notice you're even alive
About who tries to pick you up; if you're:
heterosexual, then homosexuals will try
homosexual, then heterosexuals will try
bi-sexual, then, no one will try
with someone special, everyone will try
About finding love; if you:
hope you found it, you'll be disappointed
think you found it, you're wrong
believe you found it, you're misinformed
have found it, you won't know until too late
About winning/losing; if you:
don't have anything to lose, you won't win
have something to lose, you'll lose it
do win, it's only so you can lose more later
If she appears to be having a good time, it's because:
she's fanaticizing, and not of you, either
she's been eyeing-up someone else
she's trying to make someone jealous
About dating, if more...

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had only one golf ball.
“Don’t you have at least one other golf ball? ” he asked. The other guy replied that he only needed one.
“Are you sure? ” the friend persisted. “What happens if you lose that ball? ”
The other guy replied, “This is a very special golf ball. I won’t lose it so I don’t need another one. ”
“Well, ” the friend asked, “what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake? ”
“That’s okay, ” he replied, “this special golf ball floats. I’ll be able to retrieve it. ”
“Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?
“The other guy replied, “That’s okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I’ll be able to get it back - no problem. ”
Exasperated, the friend asks, “Okay. Let’s say our game goes late, more...

A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. “I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses. ”
When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: “I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation. ”

Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Tom replied, "Whats so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."

A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray: "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Brandi again prays: "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays: "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the more...

Manufactured by: MOMCATT - Makers Of Many CATTs
Anytown USA (Offices around the World)

FEATURES

Low Power CPU
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video Inputs
Dual Audio Inputs
Audio Output
Main Input Multiplexed with Error Output
Auto Search for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Auto Learn Program in ROM
Auto Sleep When Not in Use
Wide Operating Temperature Range
Self Cleaning

Production Details

After basic construction, the unit undergoes 6 weeks of ROM
programming and burn-in testing. MOMCATT will typically reject
inferior products, but sometimes people will salvage rejected units.

These factory seconds may or may not perform the same as units that
pass the standard acceptance testing. All of the previously listed
features are installed during this interval. Since MOMCATT uses many
different suppliers, there is wide variation between the more...

Here, you'll find jokes and humor about the elderly.


Humor about AgeOLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip
OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addresses
OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse
OLD PROPANE TANKS never die, they just run out of gas
OLD PROSITUTES never die, they just fake away...
OLD PUNTERS never die, they just go horse
OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass away
OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go to pieces
OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go under cover