Loud Jokes / Recent Jokes
TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET
10. Does this come in children's sizes?
9. No thanks, just sniffing
8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind
7. Mom will love this
6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.
5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here
4. Will you model this for me?
3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!
2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!!
And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:
1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!
TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9. No thanks, just sniffing8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind7. Mom will love this6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here4. Will you model this for me? 3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace! 2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!! And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!
Top ten things men SHOULDN'T say out loud in a Lingerie Shop
#10 Does this come in children's sizes?
#9 No thanks. Just Sniffing.
#8 I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
#7 Mom will love this.
#6 Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
#5 No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
#4 Will you model this for me???
#3 The Miracle What? This is better than world peace!!
#2 45 bucks? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!!
And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud ina Lingerie Shop
#1 Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat arse into that.
Is this your first trip to Malaysia? Are you a tourist, a businessman or a Mat Salleh expatriate waylaid from the safe haven of Bangsar? If you are, here's some lessons to help you along Lesson 1 You have just landed in Subang International Airport and the first thing you want to do is to call your Malaysian friend. If you're calling him at home or at the office, the first thing to say on the phone is "Eh, what you doing?". If you're calling him on the handphone (cellular phone) the standard greeting is "Eh, where are you?" Lesson 2 Your Malaysian friend has graciously offered to pick you from the airport. He said "Give me half an hour?", be prepared to wait at least one and a half hours. This is probably your first (of many) encounter with Malaysian Timing. There's no need to adjust your watch. Whatever time a Malaysian tells you, just add (minimum) one hour, and you won't go wrong. Lesson 3 You have no friends in Malaysia (yet) and you decide to take a more...
A father was shopping in a department store with his small daughter, when the little girl suddenly pulled on his coat sleeve and said, "Daddy, I gotta go."
"In a few minutes, dear," the father replied.
"I gotta go now," the little girl insisted in a very loud voice.
To avoid a scene, a saleslady stepped forward and said, "That's alright, sir, I'll take her."
The saleslady and the little girl hurried off hand in hand. When they returned, the father asked his daughter, "Did you thank the nice lady for being so kind?"
"Why should I thank her?" retorted the little girl, as loud as before, "She had to go too."
(Loud music, John shouting:) HI, THIS IS JOHN, LET ME TURN DOWN THE MUSIC. (Loud footsteps, music turned down, a door slams.) Hi, this is the answering machine at John's home, he just rushed out the door, so please leave a message at the beep...
An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"
His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"
He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."
Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."
The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"
He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter; switch sides!"