Loud Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sir is comfortably seated in an armchair in the library, reading a newspaper. John has just brought in coffee, when a loud screech echoes through the room, followed shortly by a terrific thud.
Sir looks up. "What was that dreadful noise?"
John steps over to the window and carefully looks from behind the curtains.
"Sir, a car just took a right turn".
"John, no car in the world would make such noise just for taking a right turn!"
"Sir, indeed, but you see, there was no street to the right".

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to deuls with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volume up to 10!
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete more...

one night shaggy and brittnay spears go out on a date at the restaruant some one farts really loud shaggy goes "wasn't me" britnay spears goes "oops i i did it again", then the next night they go out again then they hear a huge loud disguting fart shaggy goes "wasn't me", britnay spears goes "stonger than yesterday"

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to deuls with tubes of gift wrap.7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volume up to 10! 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so more...

-The Vain Person
One who loves the smell of his own farts.
-The Amiable Person
One who loves the smell of other people's farts.
-The Proud Person
One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.
-The Shy Person
One who releases silent farts then blushes.
-The Imprudent Person
One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.
-The Unfortunate Person
One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead.
-The Scientific Person
One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.
-The Nervous Person
One who stops in the middle of a fart.
-The Honest Person
One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.
-The Dishonest Person
One who farts but blames the dog.
-The Foolish Person
One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.
-The Thrifty Person
One who always has several farts in reserve.
-The Anti-Social Person
One who excuses himself and farts in complete more...

When people get behind the wheel of a car, their true personality comes out. In California, the Department of Motor Vehicles knows this. Anyone can get a drivers license in California, I mean ANYONE! But to get a license to drive in Los Angeles, California, one must get a special endorsement on their license. Would you qualify for that special endorsement? Take this test, total your score and see.1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn2: Automatic door locks are good for...
a: security
b: convenience
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in3: I hate the rain because...
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car
b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car
c: I more...

The sailor and the priest were playing golf. The sailor was not very good at it, and uttered a loud "Fuck, missed!" each time he missed. The priest tolerated him for a few minutes and couldn't take it no more. "Do not swear thus, my friend, or God will punish you".

It didn't make a difference, the sailor continued unabated. One after another, the sailor played badly, and followed up with "Fuck, missed! !". Again, the priest said "Do not utter such profanities, or God will show you a sign".

It didn't help, and the next stroke missed was followed by a loud "Fuck, missed!!". A bolt of lightning dropped out of the clouds and struck the priest dead.

A voice was heard in the clouds "Fuck, missed! !"