Love Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men are sitting next to eachother on an airplane. One japanese, one spanish, and one american.
First they fly over Japan. The japanese guy says I love my country. So he flicks out a dime.
Then they fly over Spain. The spanish guy says I love my country. So he flicks out a nickel.
Last they fly over America. The american guy says I hate my country. So he flicks out a grenade.
When the japanese guy was driving home he saw a kid crying in the street.
He asked the kid whats wrong?
My mommy got hit in the head with a dime and died.
When the spanish guy was driving home he saw a kid crying in the steet.
He asked the kid whats wrong?
My daddy got hit in the head with a nickel and died.
When the american guy was driving home he saw a kid laughing in the street.
He asked the kid whats so funny?
When I farted my whole school blew up!

A young man very much in love wanted to buy a Birthday present for his sweetheart. After much consideration he decided on a pair of gloves and on the following day accompanied by his sister, he went to the Chinese gift shop where he ordered a pair of gloves and his sister bought a pair of panties for herself.
At the parcel counter the two parcels got intermixed. Unaware of this change the young man sent the wrong parcel to his sweetheart accompanied by the following letter.
My dearest darling,
This little present from me brings you my best wishes on your birthday. You may wonder why I chose this particular gift. You see darling, I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evening. I picked out a pair that was short and tight fitting because the sales girl told me this style was the current fashion.
I hope the light pink color will appeal to you as it suits your complexion. This pair is said to be very durable when the sales girl more...

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A consultant is a man who knows 99 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women.
A consultant is someone who is called in at the last moment and paid enormous amounts of money to assign the blame.

The little rascals were in class and the teacher was giving them a vocabulary lesson. The teacher said, "Alfalfa, use the word love in a sentence".
Alfalfa replies, "I love Darla".
The teacher said, "Good...now Spanky your word is respect".
Spanky replies, "I respect the way Alfalfa loves Darla".
The teacher said, "Very good! Now Buckweat its your turn, your word is Dictate".
Buckweat replies, "Hey Darla...how did my dictate last night?".

Monsters, Inc. was a cute animated movie that is pretty funny, but definitely for kids. You should go see it if you have kids, are a kid, or like to pretend you're a kid late at night by wearing diapers. It's made by the Pixar people, who did Toy Story and A Bug's Life, and that pretty much tells you what to expect. Same technology, but a couple years later, so it's a little better, a little more lifelike. Movie gets a nice, solid 3 6/7 Babylons. You'll have a good time, but try not to see it in a theater filled with too many kids- they can be annoying. Especially when the one right behind you spends the last fifteen minutes kicking your chair telling its Mommy that it needs to go to the bathroom.

OK, now let's talk about the Star Wars trailer.

By now, you have seen it, or heard it, or had it described to you by a cyber-dork named C3PO4EVR on a host of fan sites. You know it's really short. You know there is no dialogue. You know that the only sound you get is more...

If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.
I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of more...