Luck Jokes / Recent Jokes

Childhood: Childhood is that wonderful time of your life when all you have to do to lose weight is to take a bath.
Vacations: People go on vacation to forget things, and when they open their suitcases, they realise they did.
Minor Surgery. A minor surgery is one performed on someone else.
Mealtime: Mealtime is when the kids sit down to continue eating.
Luck: Of course there's such a thing as luck. How else could you explain your enemies' successes?
Wedding: Showers for the bride and curtains for the groom!

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door. He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting his porch painted. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, "Sure anything." "Well, I've been wanting my porch painted, how much would you charge?" the man replies. "I don't know, say $50 bucks." "Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside. His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, more...

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young ladies. Much to his surprise, they all seem to be drawn to an old guy a little further down the shoreling. Our friend goes back to the hotel, hoping for better luck that night in a night-club. So he goes to the club, and he sees the same old man, surrounded by beautiful women. He pulls the old guy aside, and asked, " man, what's your secret?" The old man replies, " I saw you on the beach today and I felt sorry for you. So I'll give you a tip. Try putting a pair of socks down your trunks." The young man is thankful for the advice, and can't wait for the next day to try his luck again. So, the next morning he goes out to the beach again, with a clean pair of socks neatly tucked into his trunks. But the girls only smile at him and move on. He then sees the old man again, completely surrounded, ofcourse by beautiful women. That night, he finds the old man again, and asks more...

Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to
the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the
pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?",
"Where are we?" and "Oh S#!+!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight more...

Fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks: "Any luck?"
"Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday," he boasts.
"Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger.
"Nope."
"Well, meet the new game warden."
"Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?"
"Nope."
"Meet the biggest liar in the state!"

Some people just seem to have a lot of luck. A friend of mine is one of those card players who can almost always draw whatever he needs to win a hand in poker, but loses big time at the races.
I asked him about this once and he replied, "Well... they won't let me shuffle the horses."

A young guy Pete, picks up this beatiful blone woman at a outback pub.
Highly impressed with his appeal to women he takes this blonde
home and seduces her. He first sticks one finger and tries to feel
the virginal walls but with no luck. He then sticks two and then
his whole hand in with absolutely no luck. Her hole is far too big.
He then sticks both his hands and feels around. Still no luck!!
Pissed off as he is he stick one leg and then both legs and still
has no luck. He then sticks his hands, legs and his head in and
falls into her hole.
It is pitch dark inside her cunt but fortunately he had a torch
with him and he looks around and accidently drops the torch. Anyway
while trying to feel around for the torch he feels a touch on
his back. He finds another guy John lost inside the blondes cunt as
well
Pete: Oh Hi, Listen, if we find my torch we can find our way out
John: Don't bother find my car keys and more...