Lucy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air. There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat." "Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?" "Why I'm a proud conservative Republican," boasts the little girl. The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican. "Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too." The teacher, now angry, loudly says, "That's no reason! more...

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?"

"They're mating, Lucy" he replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" Lucy asked.

"Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs."

Lucy asked, "Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?"

Daddy replied, "No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!"

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.

"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."

The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."

The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."

Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam more...

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spidersmating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" "They're mating, Lucy" he replied." What do you call the spider on top Daddy?" Lucy asked." Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs. Lucy asked, "Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is aMommy Longlegs?" Daddy replied, "No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs." Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!!"

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could,' I'm afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy.'

' So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?' asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied,' Piddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Piddles up to heaven.'

Little Lucy seemed to take her Piddles' death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work, Lucy had tears in her eyes and said:' Mommy almost died this morning.'

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted,' How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!'

' Well', mumbled Lucy,' soon after you left for work this more...

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer
to tell a story.

Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto theroad."

The teacher asks for the moral of the story.

Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."

The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy more...

One day, a stranger approached a new bar. There was a sign on the window that read, "Come inside and tell me what you think I should name my new bar. If it's a good name, I'll give you free drinks for the rest of your life." The stranger entered and got in line for his turn at the naming.
The first guy said, "How about 'Fred's Bar'?" The bartender replied, "No, I don't like that."
The second guy said, "How about 'Hank's Bar'?" "No," said the bartender, "I think that is too plain of a name."
This continued for hours. Finally, it came time for the stranger to have his turn. "How about 'Lucy's Legs'?"
The bartender was overcome with happiness and instructed the stranger to come back in the morning for the start of his free drinks.
The next morning, the stranger returned and was standing around waiting for the bar to open, when a cop drove by very slowly. The cop went around the block a few times and more...