Magician Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once Santa Was Sitting On A Tree Branch. A Passerby Saw What He Was Doing And Said "Hey You! You're Gonna Fall Down!"
"Oh Yeah?" Said The Santa And Fell Down.
Then He Looked After The Passerby And Mumbled "That Man Was Surely A Magician."
A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts.
The parrot got bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn't figure out.
One night in the middle of the magician's performance, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot.
The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard, immediately collapsing from exhaustion.
Soon afterward, the parrot flew to the magician, perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. And stared. And stared.
For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him.
Eventually the magician started to stir. Looking up, he saw the parrot, still eyeing him intently, not even blinking.
Another hour goes by, and finally the parrot squawks, more...
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem - the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat."
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; after all, it WAS the captain's parrot. One stormy day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself adrift on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean... of course, the parrot was adrift on this same very piece of wood with him.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... then another... and then another. After almost three more...
A group of business professionals enjoyed happy hours a couple days a week in an upscale bar in the financial district.
One of them had a secret ambition to become a magician. No one would take him seriously and would poke fun at him, "how's your magic coming?" "I'm working on some things" would be his confident reply.
Suddenly the wanna-be magician doesn't show for happy hour. And again and again he didn't show. This began to worry his friends so they agreed to go look for him if he misses the next one.
Several days later they were just about to look for their missing friend when in he walks to the bar. "What, been busy with your magic?" they teased.
To their astonishment, the guy pulls a miniature man out of his pocket and puts it on the table. "Wow, that's the most amazing thing I've ever seen, I can patent that" says the lawyer.
That wasn't all. The magician next pulls out a tiny piano and the miniature man started more...
A magician performing on cruise ship and each night while performing his pet parrot keeps saying "its up his sleeve" " its in his pocket". "its in his shoe". "in his pants" etc and the magician was loosing his patience. one night while performing his tricks the ships boilers blew and the ship sank, the lucky magician was able to grab onto a ships table and float on the sea for a few days. the parrot in the mean time seemed no plussed and was looking quizically at the magician for a few days whilst drifting. and on the 4th day the parrots looks at his master and says "I give up... what did you do with the ship?"
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
The Titanic, on her maiden voyage, just set sail from the shores of England. It was the most magnificent ship ever built, and everybody is very excited. No expense has been spared - the vast dining rooms, casinos, hundreds of neatlygroomed waiters and polite service staff, string quartets, the works. Every night at the bar, they had this magician come on and perform the most wonderfully amazing tricks of conjury the world had ever seen. It's the first night of the voyage, and everyone is eager to see this great man at work, except there was one slight problem. There was this parrot, who'd sit on the bar top by the peanuts, and ruin each trick as the magician performed them. Each time, the parrot would sit quietly until the trick was almost completed, and say things like, "Squark! It's up his sleeve!" or "Sqeeek! He's hidden it in the hat!" etc., and ruin the trick for the magician. Every time, the parrot would do this, and the magician would get madder and madder more...