Makeup Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo mamma so dumb,that she had to put make up on her forhead to make up her mind

HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Leave

HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because she's too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12a. Hit "cancel"
12b. Call husband to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check more...

It was xmas day. a little toddler was crawling round the house, spying on his older sister, brother, mum and dad. Later that day, the fathers boss an his wife were coming round for xmas dinner..
First, he stood outside his sister room and listened to a conversation she was having with her friend "Shes a right bitch... and hes a bastard too" the little boy didnt know what these words meant, so he ased his sister "erm... it means ladies and gentlemen" she said.
Satisfied, he went upstairs, where is mum was applying her makeup. clumsily, she dropped her lipstick andsaid "shit!" again the little boy didnt know this word "it means makeup, son", she said.
Finally, the boy went down to see his dad, who was carving the turkey. He accidently sliced his finger with the sharp knife. obviously in pain, he cried out "fuck!" yet again, the little boy wanted to know what this word meant. "it means carving" he said.
10 more...

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play more...