Marry Jokes / Recent Jokes
One Sunday morning Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White
House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am
getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in
Georgetown and his name is Matt."
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to
talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's
a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the
bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Matt is actually
your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was
heart-broken.
After eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later
she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry
him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on
another private conversation and broke the sad news.
"Robert is your half-brother too, honey. I'm awfully more...
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
STYLE:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
MONEY:
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn''t want.
HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn''t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won''t change and she does.
MARRIAGE DECISIONS:
Men marry because they are tired.
Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.
MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE:
A more...
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said “yes”.
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was! “Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny…”
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to the marriage proposal.
“Oh”, she said, “I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was. ”
This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another.
As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her,' Will you marry me?'
After about six seconds of' careful consideration,' she answered.' Yes, Yes, I will.'
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say' yes' or did she say' no'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he more...
Women prefer the simple things in life... like men.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
What’s the difference between men and pigs?... Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.
What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?... A widower.
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
What’s an orgasm, Mom? I don’t know... ask your father.
If you catch a man... throw him back.
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
What is the useless bit of skin on a penis?... A man
There was a brother with three girlfriends. He decided it was time to settle down, but was faced with a dilemma. .. which one should he marry? So he decided to give each one $500 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one went out and got a total makeover. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and told the brother, "I spent the money so I could look as fine as I could for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a cd player, television, and a stereo and gave them to the brother. She said, "I bought these for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $500 and invests it in the stock market. She doubles her investment, returns $500 to the brother and re-invests the rest. She said, " I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The brother thought long and hard about how each of the women handled the more...