Martini Jokes / Recent Jokes

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But ya gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

It seems this fairly successful businessman in his early 30's was
getting lonely for some companionship. He was comfortably well off, lived in
a nice apartment, had refined tastes, but somehow or other he could never find
the perfect companion. Finally, he had an inspiration.
So our friend strolls into a pet shop and explains his problem to the
sympathetic clerk. The clerk thinks for a moment, then says, "I have the
perfect pet for you, sir," disappears into the back of the shop, and emerges
with
a small cardboard box. The gentleman opens the box, but, instead of finding a
dog or a cat, discovers a frog.
"A frog?" he asks disbelievingly.
"Ah," says the salesman, "but not just any frog. I really think you'll
be surprised with this pet. May I suggest you take it home for a trial. If it
does not meet with your satisfaction, feel free to bring it back within a week
for a full refund."
Well, more...

2 men are on a bar on the top of a building, the first man drinks a martini and jumps off the building. But 5 minutes later he has come back to the bar again. He does the exact same thing, he drinks a martini, jumps off the building and 5 minutes later he comes back to the bar again. The second man says,

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
Dickens and the Martini "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
Dickens and the Martini "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist? "
Great Expectations "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.

"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"

"What''s so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."