Massachusetts Jokes / Recent Jokes
The NFL will block 70% of U.S. households from watching the New England Patriot's final game by restricting the broadcast to its own cable channel. Luckily for fans, Bill Belichick will be taping it.
*Panama hats come from Ecuador not Panama.
*Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
*In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
*S. O. S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash.
*Crickets hear through their knees.
*A' jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
*The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
*Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by Bayer.
*U. S. Interstates which go north-south are numbered sequentially starting from the west with odd numbers, and Interstates which go east-west are numbered sequentially starting from the south with even numbers.
*According to Genesis 1: 20-22 the more...
For thirty Years I have been a Travel Agent, serving our legislators and their staffs. This is how I know we're in trouble!
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the plane, so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response. (click).
A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I more...
The Red Sox were overwhelmed by the Tampa Rays at Fenway yet again. Boston is so afraid of the Rays, Paul Revere will warn the city when they return.
More than one out of every five dollars of the $126 million Massachusetts is receiving in earmarks from a $410 billion federal spending package is going to help preserve the legacy of the Kennedys. That's a helluva a lot of money to spend on a bar and whorehouse.
The following are actual stories provided by travel agents * I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.* A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"* I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.* A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the more...
An American woman ran the Boston Marathon in orbit Monday, completing it in 26.2 miles on a treadmill.
To make the experience even more realistic, it was also simulated so that she ultimately lost to a Kenyan astronaut.