Massachusetts Jokes / Recent Jokes

Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was more...

Ted Kennedy's funeralis today.And I know there will be an open bar.. I think it's much better todrown your sorrows, than a young woman that you are having an affairwith.

TedKennedy will be laid next to his brothers in Arlington NationalCemetery. In Honor of Senator Kennedy, a Bridge will be placed over thereflecting pool.

Here is some funny, and supposedly true stories from travel agents.

I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart Inn in Connecticut. When I explained that the inn was fictional, the customer became very irate and insisted "I know it is real, I see people check in every week!"

Also, I really did have someone ask for an aisle seat on an airplane so their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is more...

Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of would-be robbers.

PICK THE RIGHT BANK

You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.



STUDY YOUR HISTORY

Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.



SPEAK TO THE RIGHT TELLER

One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.



DON'T SIGN YOUR DEMAND NOTE

Demand notes have more...

A man pleaded guilty in Massachusetts to posting KKK recruitment fliers at the Cape Cod Mall. People became suspicious when he kept clamoring on about the sheet sale at Sears.

Boston Red Sox hurler Daisuke Matsuzaka allowed five runs in the first inning of a rehab start. That's the worst rehab start since Amy Winehouse.