Master Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and heoverheard one terrified recruit whisper, "Master Chief Barneshas the heart of a tiny child... on his desk... in a jar."Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, "Goddamned if they don't find out EVERY little thing aboutyou!"

Servant: Master Can We Eat Out Today? Master: Sure We Can. {They Go To A Fast Food Restaurant} Master: What Do U Want To Eat?
Servant: A Pizza. Master: Ok {The Waiter Comes And Brings The Pizza} Waiter: Sir, Would U Like It In Four Or Eight Slices??
Master{To The Servant}: U Tell Him. Servant: I Would Like It In Four Slices, Please Because The If The Pizza Is In Eight Slices
I Will Have A Stomach Ache!!

Confucius Says: Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter.

A Master Thief in London was giving a Coaching Class on Stealing and had students from all over the world. The Indian happened to be a Sardar. After several grueling classes on Theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical demo.

The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. But by mistake he overturns a vase.

Owner: Who's that?

Master: Miaooow...

The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished.

The Sardar is very impressed. Returning to Punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow Sardars. Does so and follows the same schedule of theory classes.

Then he goes for the demo with his pupils. Enters the house of a rich Sardar in darkness, and tells the other Sardars, " These are the various steps for stealing. You just observe. " Firstly, he goes and overturns a vase.

Owner: Koun Hai? ( Who's that? more...

ONE SAID TO THE OTHER

Overie's...
One ovarie says to the other ovarie, "Hey, did you order any furniture?"
The other ovarie says, "No, why?" "
There's a couple of nuts outside trying to shove an organ in."
Dogs...
Two dogs were sitting in a vet's office. The bigger of the dogs gruffs, "Whatcha doing here?"
The little dog responds, "I'm getting' fixed'. Whenever I see my master I get so horney I just jump
on her leg and start pumping. It's very embarassing."
The first dog says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. One morning my master had just gotten out of
the shower, and was sitting on the side of the bed. She leaned down to pick up her clothes from the
floor, and I couldn't resist it... I jumped up and starting taking it from the rear!"
The second dog exclaimed, "Wow! So you're here to be fixed too?"
"Hell no, I'm getting de-clawed."

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.
When the first dog asks the second dog what he’s in for, he answers, “My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I’ve been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for? ”
The first dog replies grimly, “I’m also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the table and broke them all. ”
The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he’s in for. The third dog answers, “The reason I’m here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower and she bent over. I couldn’t resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal! ”
“So I guess you’re also here to be put to sleep? ” says the first dog.
The third dog answers, “Nope, I’m here to get my nails clipped! ”

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served tea, the professor talked about Zen. The master poured the visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's overfull! No more will go in!" the professor blurted. "You are like this cup," the master replied, "How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup."

People's reactions to this story:
"You cannot learn anything if you already feel that you know."
"Preconceived ideas and prejudices always prevent us from seeing the truth."
"You should open your mind before you open your mouth."
"The master is trying to tell him to ease back and relax. The professor is too anxious about the whole thing."
"Some people want to be taught everything in one sitting. It's not possible."
"This more...