Match Jokes / Recent Jokes
Just keep in mind this was on live radio....
On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL they call someone at work and ask if they are married or in a serious relationship.
If yes, then this person is asked 3 very personal questions (that vary from couple to couple) and asked for their significant other's name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly, then they are winners.
This particular day (12-9-98) it got interesting:
DJ: HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know "Mate Match"?
Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.
DJ: What is your name? First name only please.
Contestant: Brian.
DJ: Are you married or what Brian?
Brian: Yes.
DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean your are "married"? or what?, Brian?
Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes I am married.
DJ: Thank you, Brian. OK, now, what is your wife's name? First only please,
Brian.
Brian: Sara.
DJ: Is Sara at work Brian?
Brian: She is more...
One day a man walked into a bar and sat down next to a guy with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender said, "Cute parrot, does he talk?
The guy with the parrot says, "He does more than just talk, watch. The guy lit a match and placed it under the parrots left foot. Then the parrot started singing "Jingle Bells, it was a Christmas Parrot.
The guy then placed the match under the right foot and the parrot then started to sing "The 12 days of Christmas.
The bartender said, "That's incredible. He then asked, "What does he say when you place them between his feet?
The guy said, "You know I never tried that, let's see.
When the match was placed between the feet of the parrot the parrot began to sing a familiar tune... "Chesnuts roasting on an open fire.
What lights up a football stadium?
A football match!
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?
Cornflakes!
Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?
Webley stadium!
When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team's kipper!
Ref: I'm sending you off
Player: What for?
Ref: The rest of the match!
Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
They tend to go cheep!
What is a goal keepers favourite snack?
Beans on post!
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the more...
The businessman was talking to his friend on the train home after a hard day.
'What a day I've had,' he said.
'One of the office boys asked for the afternoon off to go to his grandmother's funeral. I thought I was on to him, and went along, too.'
'Good idea,' said his friend.' How was the match?'
'That's where I lost out. It was his grandmother's funeral!'
>> The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin
>> Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
>>
>> "Your Holiness" said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to
>> challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical
>> spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
>>
>> The Pope thought is was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club
>> in his hand. "Have we not," he asked "a cardinal who can represent me
>> against the leader of Israel?"
>>
>> "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But," he added,
>> "there is a man named Jack Nicklas, an American golfer who is a devout
>> Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal; then ask him to play
>> Benjamin Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to
>> showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match.
>> Everyone more...
John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their wedding vows, so they planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear.One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress.Nancy replied, "Silver."At that point, her husband chimed in, "Yep, silver...to match her hair."Shooting a glaring look at John's head, Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are going barefoot?"