Mates Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two mates are having a chat over a beer." Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?" one bloke asks his friend." No way!" his mate replies." Well," says the first bloke,"do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?" "Fuck no!" his mate replies." Well," says the first bloke,"what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"

Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea."I call my man 'Eight,' " said the first woman, "Because he's got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day."The second woman said in response, "I call my man 'Ten'because his dongis ten inches long, and we do it ten times every night."The first woman then asked the third woman "What do you call your man?"She answered " 'Creme de Menthe.' ""Why? Isn't' that a liqueur?" the other two wanted to know."Yep, it is," said the woman, continuing, "yeah, you betcha!"

Two mates are having a chat over a beer."Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?"one bloke asks his friend."No way!" his mate replies."Well," says the first bloke,"do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?""Fuck no!" his mate replies."Well," says the first bloke,"what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"

Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they weregreeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some goodnews and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone."Well, give me the good news first," replied the other."The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply."And the bad news?""Mine died"

Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea." I call my man' Eight,' " said the first woman, "Because he's got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day." The second woman said in response, "I call my man' Ten'because his dongis ten inches long, and we do it ten times every night." The first woman then asked the third woman "What do you call your man?" She answered "' Creme de Menthe.' ""Why? Isn't' that a liqueur?" the other two wanted to know." Yep, it is," said the woman, continuing, "yeah, you betcha!"

Get this. said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."Did he get anything." his mates asked."yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

This bloke goes bear hunting with a .22 rifle, a .303 & an elephant gun. He comes to the edge of this clearing and spots a bear. He aims his .22 rifle at the bears head, bang, then races over, looks around, no bear. Suddenly he gets a tap on the shoulder, looks around, 15 foot of grizzly standing there. Bear says 'You must be a sandwich short of a picnic. A .22 rifle and 15 foot of grizzly. I'll tell you what, you've got two choices. Either I crush you to death or you can drop your strides, bend over that rock and I'll give you one'
The hunter replies ' I suppose it's got to be over the rock then'
After the bears had him he walks back to his car, when he gets there he thinks I'll go back with the .303 rifle this time and have him. He gets back to the clearing, the bears there. He takes aim, bang, races over, looks around, no bear. Suddenly, a tap on his shoulder, he looks around, 15 foot of grizzly again. The bear says ' You must be stupid or something. You've got two choices more...