Mattel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245
To: Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list!
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear more...

Here are a couple of my favorite examples of gullible people (true stories).
Back in the days of the Mattel Cabbage Patch Kid craze it was usually
very hard to get one for the kiddies. A radio station (I don't know where)
announced that Mattel was going to get Cabbage Patch Kids out to the people
of this particular city. The plan was that they had to go to the football
field of the local university and wait. An airplane would fly overhead and
the dolls would be dropped onto the field. People were supposed to hold
their credit cards up so that a photographer with a telephoto lens in the
airplane could get the credit card numbers and charge the price of the
dolls to the recipients' accounts.
People actually showed up, waving American Express cards in the breeze.
Another radio station prank took place on April Fool's Day. They
announced that the phone company would be cleaning the dirt out of the
phone lines that afternoon. They do more...

BARBIE'S LETTER TO SANTA: Dear Santa: Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya,' Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demands for Christmas 1999:
1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boytoy, Ken. And what was up more...

CEO
Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA
Dear Mr. CEO:
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!
There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).
So, here's my 1997 resolution/wish list:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like more...

Action figure versions of the Presidential candidates and their running mates are now being sold on the internet. It's a crucial time for it too, since G.I. Joe is still deployed and the banks foreclosed on the Barbie Dream House.