Meat Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"Are you going to come again next time?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops more...

A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.
Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"

Red meat is not bad for you. The blue-greenish meat, that's really bad for you.

Surgeons invited to dinner parties are often asked to carve the meat -- or worse yet, to watch the host carve while commenting on the surgeon's occupation.

At one party, a surgeon friend was watching the carving while Harry, his host, kept up a running commentary: "How am I doing, doc? How do you like that technique? I'd make a pretty good surgeon, don't you think?"

When the host finished and the slices of meat lay neatly on the serving platter, the surgeon spoke up: "Anybody can take them apart, Harry. Now let's see you put them back together again."

A guy walks into a bar and notices a sign on the wall. It says "Ask about our special challenge".
He asks the bartender what its all about.
The bartender says points to two large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling about three and a bit yards up and says "If you can jump up and touch those pieces of meat then you can drink in this bar free for a year.
However if you don't manage to reach them then you have to buy everyone here two rounds each."
The guy thinks about it and muses it over.
He looks at the meat then at the barman then at the meat then looks at the barman and says "Nah, pal. The steaks are too high."

Which is the meat patties least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push." On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission" On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs." On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you." At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition." On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: more...