Meat Jokes / Recent Jokes

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push." On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission" On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs." On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you." At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition." On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on more...

Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more...

THREE righteous men - a Hindu, a Muslim and a Sikh happened to die suddenly and were presented before Dharamraj. Dharamraj was apologetic for having ended their lives abruptly. To make amends he offered to grant them whatever they had missed in life for one year before he consigned them to heaven or hell.
The Hindu spoke first:' Sire, I have been a strict vegetarian all my life. I would like to eat meat to my heart's content.'
'It shall be so/ replied Dharamraj and ordered his servants to feed him for a year with tandoori chicken, kababs and whatever other meat delicacies he wished.
Came the turn of the Muslim:' Sire, as a good Mussalman, I never tasted liquor. Please give me the best kind of wines and liquors for a year/
'It shall be so,' replied Dharamraj and ordered his servants to supply the man with vintage wines, premium Scotch and liquors for a year.
'And you Sardar Sahib, what would you like?'
'Sire, as a good Sikh I was forbidden to smoke. I more...

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7. 99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7. 99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents reads "Consultation: $25. 00."

A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal. Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint "what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night" she asked? All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled "Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole"!

What`s three miles long and eats cabbage? A meat line in Poland.

* "Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
* "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
* "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
* "Talk about a huge breast!"
* "It's Cool Whip time!"
* "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
* "Are you ready for seconds yet?"
* "Are you going to come again next Year?"
* "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
* "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
* "Don't play with your meat."
* "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
* "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
* "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
* "You still have a little bit on your chin."
* "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
* "How long will it take after you stick it in?"
* more...