Meat Jokes / Recent Jokes
Which of the following doesn't belong?(a) meat(b) eggs(c) wife(d) blow job(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely.""Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves. Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
And I thought nothing could top Hormel`s pickled eggs. ..
8. Meeter`s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that`s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you`re really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you`ll be pleased to learn that a single serving more...
The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs... 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. 7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered. 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of more...
A Blowjob - Your Wife - An Egg - Your Meat
Which one doesn't fit?
A Blowjob: You can beat your wife. You can beat an egg. You can beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob!
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
Mama goes shopping and scrutinizes everything. Here is how her shopping went..Mama: "I don't like the looks of this whitefish."Merchant: "Lady, for looks you don't buy whitefish; you buy goldfish."Mama: "Oy, and this chicken, it has a broken leg."Merchant: "Look lady, you gonna eat it or dance with it?"Mama: "And before you weigh the meat, take out the bones."Merchant: "Lady, I buy with bones; you'll buy with bones."Mama: "I don't pay with bones."Merchant: "All right, no bones."Mama: "Thank you, you are a gentleman. Now put the bones in a separate bag for soup. And never mind the meat. I don't like your meat anyhow."