Meat Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day whena young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered hisbutcher shop and confronted him with the news that thebaby was his and asked what was he going to do aboutit? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat untilthe boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting themeat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow.""I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've beencounting too, tell your mother, when you take thisparcel of meat home, that it is the last free meatshe'll get, and watch the expression on her face."When the boy arrived home he told his mother. Thewoman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcherand tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch theexpression on HIS face!"

Which of the following doesn't belong?(a) meat(b) eggs(c) wife(d) blow job(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely.""Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves. Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

And I thought nothing could top Hormel`s pickled eggs. ..

8. Meeter`s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that`s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.

7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.

6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you`re really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you`ll be pleased to learn that a single serving more...

The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs... 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. 7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered. 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of more...

A Blowjob - Your Wife - An Egg - Your Meat
Which one doesn't fit?
A Blowjob: You can beat your wife. You can beat an egg. You can beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob!

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.