Meetings Jokes / Recent Jokes

How To Play "Office BINGO":
(AKA ~ BULLCRAP BINGO!)

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and training sessions at your office? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that:

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your "Bullcrap Bingo" card by drawing a square -- 5" x 5" is a good size -- and dividing it into columns --five across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
synergy, strategic fit, core competencies, best practices, bottom line, revisit, paradigm, 24/7, out-of-the-loop, benchmark, value-added, proactive, win-win, think outside the box, fast-track, result-driven, empower, knowledge-base, at the end of the day, touch base, active listening, mindset, client-focused, ballpark, game-plan, leverage, technology.

3. Check off the appropriate block more...

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking or a big lunch, the outcome is the same: Farts.
Seventy percent of the time, we can dispense freely. The other 30% of the time, such as at work, we have some tough decisions to make. This document is intended to help you in those decisions.
Holders - The obvious choice is just plain holding it in. A popular choice among the females and an almost impossible choice for males. I am not in favor of holding, as I believe the medical community has not done enough research about the long-term damage of holding. Really, where does it go if you hold it in? So be forewarned, using this tactic is to be done at your own risk.
Desk Jockey - When deciding to release right at your desk, one has many factors to consider:
- Do you have your own office? Feel free to fart at will risk free. After commencing, I highly recommend locking the door and feigning you are not in the office to avoid any unwanted visitors. I also highly more...

One CEO always scheduled staff meetings for 4:30 on Friday afternoons. One of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why, the CEO explained, "I`ll tell you its very simple “ it`s the only time of the week when none of you seems to want to argue with me."

Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to more...

Bullshit Bingo

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here is a way to change all of that!

How to play: Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout, "BULLSHIT!!!"

Synergy
Strategic Fit
Gap Analysis
Best Practice
Bottom Line

Revisit
Bandwidth
Hardball
Out of the Loop
Benchmark

Value-Added
Proactive
Win-Win
Think Outside the Box
Fast Track

Result-Driven
Empower [or] Empowerment
Knowledge Base
Total Quality [or] Quality Driven
Touch Base

Mindset
Client Focus[ed]
Ball Park
Game Plan
Leverage

Testimonials from satisfied players:

"I had only been in the meeting for five minutes whenI more...

Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting. " My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure." she lamented to the woman next to her." Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that?" "He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."

WOMBAT:
Stands for "Waste of Money, Brains and Time". Suitable for describing a person, product or project.
Code 18:
An error made by the user. Refers to the 18 inches that separate a user's face from the computer display.
Lasagna Syndrome:
Writing a piece of software with so many overlapping dialog boxes that it's nearly impossible to complete a task.
Nerd Bird:
Any weekday direct airline flight between another U.S. city and San Jose, California. These flights are typically over-populated with engineers and technical types, so a good amount of job seeking and rumor-milling occurs during each run.
Waldo:
A demo given with great showmanship for a product with little innovation or creativity.
Booth Bunny:
The attractive women staffing the booths at tradeshows that do not work for the main company represented and have no technical knowledge whatsoever.
Triority:
The three things your manager would have you do at once.
I/O more...