Merger Jokes / Recent Jokes

There appears to be no end to merger mania - one of the greatest threats to our freedom and democracy - putting more and more control into the hands of fewer and fewer people.
The following are more Mergers that appear to be on the horizon:
Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil
- Honey, I'm Home
Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining
- Mine, All Mine
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining
- Zip Audi Do-Da
Knott's Berry Farm and National Organization of Women
- Knott NOW!
John Deere and Abitibi-Price
- Deere Abi
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers
- Fairwell Honeychild
3M and Goodyear
- mmmGood
Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants
- Poupon Pants
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush Co., and W.R. Grace Co.
- Hale Mary Fuller Grace
Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler
- Poly-Warner-Cracker

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl more...

Due to the merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:
Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.
The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!"
The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.

Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:
Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.
The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!"
The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.

Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!"The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.

It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was considering buying the Fuller Brush Co. along with Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems. This mega-corporate entity could be known as Hale Mary Fuller Grace. Failed merger: Yahooand Netscape. Net 'n Yahoo didn't work out because they would have to relocate theheadquarters located in Tel Aviv. Proposed merger: Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers, to be called Fairwell Honeychild. Rumored merger: Wurlitzer with Xerox. They are going to market reproductive organs. Possible merger: Warner Brothers, Polygraph Records and Keebler - to be called...Poly-Warner-Cracker. 3M and Goodyear merger: mmmGood John Deere andAbitibi-Price: Deere Abi Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining: Dip Audi Do Da Swissair andCheseborough-Ponds: Swisschese Honeywell, Imasco and HomeOil: Honey, I'm Home Luvs Diapers and HertzRent-a-Car: Luv Herts Upjohn and Chuckie CheesePizza: UpChuck White Castle Burgers andGlad more...

This just in from News Service: A MAJOR MERGER IS ANNOUNCED
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.
An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both organizations. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Twenty Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead more...