Miami Jokes / Recent Jokes
A beautiful woman boarded a jet and took a seat in the first class section. The flight attendant checked her ticket and said "You're in the wrong section. This ticket is for coach. You'll have to move."
The woman replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."
The attendant called for the captain who checked her ticket and also told her she had to move and again she replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."
After some thought, the captain whispered into her ear and the woman got up and moved back to coach.
"Captain, what did you say to get her to move?" asked the flight attendant.
Captain replied, "I told her that the first class section doesn't land in Miami."
How Cold Is Cold?
60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 You need jumper cables to get the car going
5 American cars don't start
0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
-10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami more...
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left". Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left". One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"
Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at.
"And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..."
"Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Lipkowitz, "at my age I don't even buy green bananas."
I never saw snow until I was 18. I grew up near Miami, so the first time I saw a snowball fight, I thought, "Why are all these kids playing in cocaine?"
Vince Shlomi, 44, was arrested on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in Miami. According to authorities, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub. Shlomi told cops she "propositioned him for straight sex" for $1000, or 50 easy payments of only $19.99 each.