Mick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by.
“Help! ” Paddy shouted, “Oi’m sinkin’! ” Don’t worry, ” assured Mick. “Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there. ”
Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy’s hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, “Shure, an’ Oi can’t do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi’ll have to get some help. ”
As Mick was leaving, Paddy called “Mick! Mick! D’ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups? ”

Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. "Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there." Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?"

Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before."Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours. Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light, lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble' n' strife. Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I'd accidentally walked into my eight year olds daughter's room by, and worse still she was on the swimming team and didn't smoke.

Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husbands best mate Peter when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation.
"Who was it? The back stabbing buddy asked.
"Oh, that was Mick." She replied calmly.
"Oh shit, I'd better be going then!: he said. "Did Mick say where he was?"
"Relax - he's down at the pub, playing a few games of pool with you."

Two men were painting a house.
Pat: Have you got a good hold on that paint brush, Mick?
Mick: Yes, I have. Why?
Pat: Well, hold on tight, because I'm taking this ladder away.

$90,000/month in child support; $150,000/month for the child's diction lessons.
Restraining order keeping Keith 50 yards away from her bathroom medicine cabinet at all times.
Cash value from his Lloyd's of London Lip Insurance policy.
Custody of Bill Wyman's wife and the rest of the kids.
Satisfaction, Baby!
Has to admit publicly that Steven Tyler's lips are fatter than his.
Jerry keeps: sports cars and palatial estate Mick keeps: walker, clapper and Matlock videos
Financial support for her destitute brother, Arsenio.
Jerry keeps the kids; Mick keeps Kato.
You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get half his stuff.
Keith must be removed from the wine cellar and given a proper burial.

Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before the morning break, Pat yelled "Mick, I've lost a finger!"

Mick said. "How did you do it?"

Pat replied "I just touched this big, shiny spinning thing here like this... ouch! There goes another one!"