Mick Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three leprechauns, Sean, Mick and Kevin, are sitting in the pub getting quietly pissed when Mick shouts out, 'Jaysus, I'm bored wid bein' a feckin' nobody. I'm tinkin' I'll take meself down to de Guinness Book of Records office and get meself entered in de book.'
'What de hell are ye talkin' about, ye eejit? You've dun nuttin' to get in de book for,' says Sean.
'Well, it's me hands, Sean,' Mick says, waving them around. 'I tink dey are de smallest in de world and I'm gonna get meself entered into de book and I'll be world famous.'
The other two agree that they are quite small and they all carry on drinking heartily.
A little while later Kevin pipes up, 'Ya know Mick, if ye can get into de Guinness Book of Records for yer small hands, so can I.'
The other two smirk at each other and Mick says, 'How can ye have de smallest hands in the world if I've got dem, ya bloody fool?'
Kevin replies, 'It's not me hands, Mick, it's me feet,' and he takes his boots to show more...
Paddy met Mick in the street and said, "Paddy, will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in future?"
"Why?" Paddy asked.
"Because," said Mick, "all the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday."
Mick said, "Silly buggers, the laugh is on them. I wasn't home yesterday."
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning
tea pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Damn! There goes
another one!"
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!"
Paddy n Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody whos on the streets after 6 oclock. So one day, theyre out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked. "What are you doin, Paddy? It aint 6 yet!" "I know what Im doin. I know where he lives and he wouldnt have made it!"
Mick and Paddy get off a ship and head for the nearest bar. Each one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They then order two more whiskeys and once again quickly throw them back. They then order another two whiskeys apiece.
Paddy picks up one of his drinks, turns to Mick and says, "Cheers!"
Mick turns to Paddy and says, "Hey, did you come here to bullshit, or did you come here to drink?"
Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. "Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there." Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?