Middle Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
As we grow older year by year, my husband always mourns: the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
You're getting old when tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
It's hard to be more...
A duke is hunting in a forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he comes upon a tree. Archery targets are painted all over it, and smack in the middle of each is an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cries the duke. "I must find him."
After continuing through the forest for a few miles, he comes across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admits that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asks the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from 100 paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."
"That is truly astonishing," says the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service. But I must ask one favor in return. You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot."
"Well," said the boy, "first more...
A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On theirwedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her newgroom, "Please be gentle... I am still a virgin." The startled groom says "How canthat be? You've been married twice..."The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband, he was apsychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath, she says "My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to dowas............. Oh God, I miss him!"
You have reached middle age when the phone rings on Saturday night, you pray it isn't for you.
Once upon a time, there was a blonde driving down the highway. In the distance, she saw a brunette doing jumping jacks in the middle of the road, so she decided to pull over. The brunette was jumping up and down clapping her hands over her head, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" So, seeing how this looked like fun, the blonde got behind her, and started doing jumping jacks, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" This goes on for about an hour, and the brunette got tired, so she sat down. But the blonde decided to continue because she was having the best time of her lifedoing jumping jacks in the middle of the highway shouting twenty one. Along came a truck and splat! There goes the blonde. Well the brunette got up and went back into the road and started doing jumping jacks and shouting, "Twenty two! Twenty two! "
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain more...