Midnight Jokes / Recent Jokes

3 ducks were arrested at a pond after midnight and went to court next morning. There, the judge sent the first duck in then asked,"What were u doing at the pond past midnight?". "Sir, I was blowing bubbles", replied the first duck. The judge sent the second duck in and asked the same question,"What were u doing at the pond past midnight?". The second duck answed,"I was blowing bubbles".Then they sent the 3rd duck in and the judge asked, "let me guess, you were blowing bubbles too??" Noo sir, Im bubbles".

Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He spent the whole evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, who was waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought that might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. At about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual more...

Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And every time this happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But Harry just continued his nightly routine.One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened and said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? Then he might change his ways."The wife thought that this might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. And at about
midnight, he arrived home in his more...

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night.
He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.
One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all.
The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways."
The wife thought that might be a good idea.
That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual more...

A man worked at a gas station out in the middle of nowhere. One day when he was driving home from work, he ran out of gas (how ironic). So the man walks and walks and eventually he comes upon a monastery.
He asks a monk at the monastery, "Can I stay here over night? My car ran out of gas."
The monk replies, "You may; but you musn't come out of your room between the hours of 12 midnight and 6 am."
The man replies, "That's fine with me." The monk takes him to his room, and the man falls asleep.
About 12 midnight the man is roused from his sleep by a horrible groaning noise that was coming from the basement. He gets out of his bed to see what it is, but remembers the monk saying that he couldn't leave his room between 12 and 6 am. The groaning keeps the man awake all night long until it finally stops at 6.
The next morning the man asks the monk from yesterday, "What was that racket coming from the basement?"
"I can't more...

A catholic, a morman and an Arab were playing golf and bragging about their family.
The catholic boasted that he had 4 kids, his wife was pregnant and soon he would have his own basketball team.
The morman replied; "that's nothing, we have 10 kids. One more and I'll have a football team!!! "You guys have no vision" declared the Arab. "I have 17 wives, one more and I'll have my own 18-hole golf course!!!!"
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A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front
seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
The Nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next
stop.
When the bus starts on its way again, the bus driver says to the Hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how to get that Nun to have sex with you."
The Hippie, of course, says that he would love to know, so more...

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered.
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."
"What's a Midnight Special?"
"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread."
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"
"Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"