Mike Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.""What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.""What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
Mike goes to his first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked cross it. Mike walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. Mike says, "Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
Somewhere in Albania, two footsore soldiers enjoying a much-needed break were discussing differences between army life and the civilian variety.
"Joe, you sure have it right about the food being better back home," said one, "but I can tell you an even more fundamental difference."
"What's that, Mike?" asked Joe.
"When you return to civilian life," Mike said, "unless you want it otherwise, 5:30 comes around no more than once a day."
Jimmy:' Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.'
Mike:' To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'
Jimmy:' What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'
Mike:' Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'
Jimmy:' Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'
Mike:' That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me
crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?'
Two seniors are standing in front of the Hotel Duluth when they see a penguin walking by. Pat grabs it and asks Mike, "what should I do with him?"
Mike says, "Why don't you take him out to the zoo?"
The next day in front of the Hotel, Mike sees Pat walking with the penguin on a leash. "I thought I told you to take him to the zoo," says Mike.
"I did," says Pat, "and we had such a good time that tonight I think I'll take him to the hockey game!"
Tysons psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood.... good thing he didnt say two!
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold."Have you seen a doctor about that cold?" he asked."No," said Mike, "But I probably should. Do you know a good doctor?"Pat gave him the name of his own doctor and assured him that he'd be in good hands.About a week later, they met again and Pat wasn't sure if the cold was really better."Did you see my doctor?" Pat inquired."Oh, yeah," Mike replied. He was a really nice guy!""Well, did he give you something to help your cold"?"Sure did!" Mike answered, somewhat enthusiastically. "He told me to drink a big glass of fresh orange juice after a hot bath.""Well, did it help?" Pat asked hesitantly."How do I know?" Mike retorted. "I haven't even finished drinking the bath yet!"