Minute Jokes / Recent Jokes

Teachers are paid too much! I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salaries for only 9 months work! What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd pay teachers babysitting wages.
That's right. Instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them $3.00 an hour. And, I'm only going to pay them for 5 hours, not planning time. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to baby sit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private daycare.
Now how many children do they teach a day - maybe 20? That's $15.00 x 20 = 300.00 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all the vacations: $300.00 x 180 =$54,000. (Just a minute my calculator must need batteries.)
What will teachers say about those who have 10 years of experience and a master's degree? Well, maybe (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage. We can round that off to about $6.00 more...

When Mahathir was visiting Singapore, PM Goh though he'd show the M'sian Premier Singapore's Telecommunication capabilities. As the M'sian entourage was touring SingTel's corporate HQ, being shown all it's new telecom technology, Dr. M noticed a strange telephone sitting in one corner of the room. Walking over, he found the phone glowed dark red, and had weird occultic symbols where numbers ought to be.

He turned to ask the SingTel representative what it was. The rep stiffened momentarily, then answered,' It's a hotline to hell, Dr Mahathir.' Curious, Dr M wanted to give it a try. Picking up the handset, he heard a rumbling demonic voice,' Please deposit S$10, 000 for the first minute.' When Dr. M returned home, he called up the Minister responsible for telecommunications and told him of his discovery.

The minister then said,' Oh, we have that too, sir. We just don't like to talk about it.'' Let me see it.' said Dr. M. So the minister brought Dr M. to see the more...

A brand new prostitute at a Nevada brothel was assigned her first customer. She went into the room with the customer and just less than a minute later, came out laughing hysterically. The madam confronted her, saying, "You were with him less than a minute and came out laughing. That's no way to treat a customer."
The rookie prostitute replied, "I just couldn't help it. He undressed and when I looked down at his dick it was the size of a peanut and had a tattoo on it which says 'SHORTY'!"
The madam was furious, and assigned a veteran prostitute to go in and give this poor guy his money's worth.
A half hour later, the veteran prostitute came out of the room. She could barely walk and her eyes were beaming! She kept saying "WOW!" over and over again. She walked over to the rookie prostitute and said, "You needed to spend more time with this guy. When he gets excited that tattoo reads: 'SHORTY'S BAR AND GRILL - FINE DINING - ALBUQUERQUE, NEW more...

It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

There was a wizened old country doctor who could treat anything. Well it seems one time, one of the mountain folk came into his office with three complaints. "Doc," he said, "I can`t taste nothin`, I can`t tell the truth, and I can`t remember nothin` besides." Well the old Doc thought about this for a minute and went back, and made of two capsules full with cowdung, and gave them both to the man, and telling him to take one immediately, chewing well. Well, the man did as he was told, bit down and started chewing, then yelled out, "Yeachhhh... This stuff tastes like shit." "Uh huh," the doctor said, "Well I see that you can taste, and you`re certainly telling the truth now. And the next time that you`re memory is acting up, just take the other pill." And the old Doc charged the man fifteen bucks and sent him on his way, and never did hear no trouble from him much after that.


There are several kinds of doctors, and it is more...

Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn't you read that book I lent you, 'The Other Side of the Story', about the command to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzenweis."
"Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She's home."
"Well, maybe he's more...

Sabbath Violator.
Morris and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Morris replied. "Didn`t you read that book I lent you, `The Other Side of the Story`, about the command to judge other people favourably? I`ll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving`s behaviour."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he`s sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he`s healthier than Arnold Schwartzeneger."
"Well, maybe his wife`s having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She`s more...