Miracle Jokes / Recent Jokes
CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!
Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play more...
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle."
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a more...
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle."
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a more...
Dear Bob or Mr. Enzyte (However you like to be addressed:)
First off, you don't have to explain to me why there are no brothers in any of the commercials. I am pretty sure we know why. But something for you to think about, what if brothers started taking Enzyte? Well, I am sure that your commercials would increase, and possible make a medical statement like, "May cause death if taken by brothers. "
Ok, I must congratulate you for your research. I mean, you guys must be geniuses, because the way I see it there are at least twenty other ways your miracle pill could go wrong. How does it work? How does your miracle pill know that it's not making a big toe bigger? I've seen men with one shoe bigger than the other. Were these men some of your firs test subjects? Did O.J. take the pill before it was finished and his fingers grew, therefore, making the gloves not fit? Help a brother figure this out! And how come the balls don't grow, or do they? Wait, I've seen those more...
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room. Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house. Dinner: Catch a moth and more...
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they
don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to
give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor
says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give
the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the
priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going
to believe this."
"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go more...