Model Jokes / Recent Jokes

For too long, we ladies have been made to put up with second rate traetment from you guys!!! NO MORE!!! The ladies time for comeback darlings and show you guys what we women are made of!
So listen up you guys, this is how it is.....
*You guys don't always have to hold on to your mother's sari and cry for her on the slighest diffculties you have- why marry if you still need to hold your mother's hand?
*We should be able to ogle other men... if we don't look @ other men, how are we meant to rate how handsome you are?
*When our favorite programme is on.. wait for the commericals, if you need something!
*Girls are allow to change their minds, you know!
*A beer-belly is definely a turn-off..... so smokers and beer loots.... need not bother marrying -because we girls are fed up of putting up with it!
*Guy! you have hands & feet haven't you.... So use them to get your own things; Making a meal/tea; and washing your plates etc after yourself you more...

Supermodel Naomi Campbell, already in trouble for her alleged assault of two of her housekeepers, is being sued by a former assistant who says the model slammed her against a wall and struck her in the face with her Blackberry because a piece of her luggage was left behind during a trip.
Campbell's lawyer, David Breitbart, did not return calls seeking comment as he was busy being bound and gagged by Campbell and having a Palm Treo shoved up his ass.
In Campbell's defense, the Treo gets exceptional reception in the anus.

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house. After a few days, a young, attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks. She said she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays but would pay for the whole week. Doris showed her the house, and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath." "That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard, and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water." "What about you're husband?" asked the model. "Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris. "Good," said the model. "Now more...

Guess the following movie quotes. All movies were released between the years 1980 and 1989. Comedies, dramas, action, etc. Some are quite simple, and others are more difficult.

There are 37 items, followed by the answers at the bottom, so you may wish to save reading this for a less hectic portion of your day.

1) Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

2) We're on a mission from God.

3) People on' ludes should not drive.

4) This house is clean.

5) Shall we play a game?

6) Terrific!! I've got a trig mid-term tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

7) Back off man, I'm a scientist.

8) That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

9) I know a little German. He's sitting over there.

10) Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water buffalo.

11) Excuse me, Dick, I mean Rich, will milk be more...

My friend, Harvey, is what you'd call a hard-luck inventor. Here is a partial listing of his inventions:
6-Up (a soft drink).
Preparation G (rectal ointment).
5 shooter (five shot revolver).
Model S Ford (similar to the Model T Ford).
Nice Krispies (a breakfast cereal that went snip, crickle, pip when milk was poured over it).
The Wolksvagen (a small car known as the "WV").
Dogsup (a condiment for hamburgers and hot-dogs).
Goputer (sophisticated electronic device).
Whitejack (card game for gamblers).
Anklewatch (timepiece).
Star Bangled Spanner (a song intended to be our National Anthem).

This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures
Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land
Operations/Simulation division.
They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the
case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaissance Helicopters into
exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they
employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers.
Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees
and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In
particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to
helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a
helicopter's position).
Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used
to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and changed
the mapped icon, the more...

Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, "Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life.""What happened?" asks Birnbaum. Goldstein moans, "My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands of dollars on the credit card. I came back to New York and found out that my brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And, to top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son having sex with the garment model on my desk!""You think you had a bad week?" responds Birnbaum. "My week was even worse! I went to Florida on vacation with my wife and it rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands on the credit card. Then, when I got back to New York, I found out that my brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And, more...