Moishe Jokes / Recent Jokes
The fight
Moishe had a fight with Sadie, his wife, and went to the cinema to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologise.
“Hello, darling,” he said, “what are you making for dinner?”
“What am I making, you bast**d? Poison, that’s what I’m making, poison.”
Moishe replies, “So make just one portion, I’m not coming home.”
The big question
Moishe is shouting at his wife, Becky.
“Oh no, not another new dress and accessories. Just where do you think I am going to get the money to pay for it all?”
Becky replies, “I may be a lot of different things to many people, but I’m certainly not inquisitive!”
Discussion group
A group of elderly Jewish men meet every Wednesday in Brent Cross for a coffee and a chat. They drink their coffee and then sit for hours discussing the world situation. Usually, their discussion is very negative.
One day, Moishe surprises his friends by announcing, loud and clear, “You know what? I’ve now become an optimist.”
Everyone is totally shocked and all conversation dries up.
But then Sam notices something isn’t quite right and he says to Moishe, “Hold on a minute, if you’re an optimist, why are you looking so worried?”
Moishe replies, “Do you think it’s easy being an optimist?”
Abe and Moishe had a religious goods store on Delancey Street on the Lower East Side of NYC. The neighborhood was changing. The Jews were moving to Westchester and the Puerto Ricans were moving in."Abe, we have to move to Westchester," said Moishe."We can't. This neighborhood is our life. We've been here for 33 years. Maybe we can start stocking Catholic articles too.""What? Catholic articles? Bis du in gantzen meshuggeh? We're Jews. No Catholic articles!"Well, a month passed and they sold nothing but two tallesim, three mezzuzahs and one set of tefillin. Now was the time to fish or cut bait.Moishe agreed that they had to stock Catholic articles, so he said to Abe, "OK, call that Catholic supply house on Park Avenue."Abe: "Hello, Catholic supply house on Park Avenue? This is Abe and Moishe's on Delancey Street. We want 100 autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 of those beads - what you call them, Rosaries? - and 500 crucifixes...and I need more...
Moishe walks into a post office to send a package to his wife. The postmaster says, "This package is too heavy, you'll need another stamp." Moishe replies, "And that should make it lighter?"
Enduring love - 1
"Moishe, will you still love me when my hair is grey?" asks Yente.
"Of course,” says Moishe. “I`ve loved you through blond, brunette, red and every other colour. Why not grey?”
Two Jews walk past a church and see a big sign saying "Convert to Christianity and we'll pay you