Moishe Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He
gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just
like Moishe."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "C. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my
coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to
Moishe every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the
pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera
baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him
play the piano."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's
birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat
them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change more...

One day, Chaim was walking down the street when who did he see driving a brand new Chevrolet? Moishe. Moishe pulled up to him with a wide
smile.
"Moishe, where did you get that car?" Chaim asked.
"Rochel gave it to me."
"She gave it to you? I knew she was sweet on you, but this?"
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on county road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Rochel pulled off the road into the woods. She parked, got out of the car, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Moishe take whatever you want.' So I took the car."
"Moishe, you're a smart man, them clothes never would have fit you."

Two Jews walk past a church and see a big sign saying "Convert to Christianity and we'll pay you

The sad wedding ceremony
Freda and Moishe were getting married at Edgware synagogue and all was going fine until the Rabbi discovered that Freda and Moishe and their parents had disappeared. A search was immediately made throughout the synagogue and finally, the chazzan found them sitting in the synagogue basement. All six of them were just sitting on the floor and crying. The Rabbi approached Freda and said, "Why are you all crying on this most happy and important day of your lives?"
Freda looked up at the Rabbi and replied, "My parents are alive and Moishe’s parents are alive? Who are we going to name the baby after?"

Have I?
Moishe, an elderly man, goes to a brothel and tells the madam that he would like a beautiful, young lady for the night. The madam gives him a quick look-over and is rather puzzled. So she asks him, "How old are you?"
"Why," replies Moishe, "I`m 98 years old today."
"Ninety-eight!" the madam exclaims. "Don`t you realize you`ve had it?"
"Oh," he says, "in that case, how much do I owe you?"

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews
had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from
the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would
have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish
community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews
would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the
Jews would have to leave.
The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe,
to represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could
not speak Latin and the Pope could not speak Yiddish. So it
was decided that this would be a "silent" debate.
On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe
sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope
raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then more...

Talk to me, please
Moishe goes up to a beautiful woman he sees in Waitrose and says to her, “I’ve lost my wife in here and I would be very happy if you could find some time to talk to me for a few minutes.”
She asks, “Why on earth do you want me to do that?”
Moishe replies, “Because every time I talk to a gorgeous woman, my wife always appears out of nowhere.”