Moses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Intelligence Test Instructions:

Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
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1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten.   What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6)  If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where more...

Here are some responses by younger students from a secular
school when asked to expound on various teachings of the Bible. Their words
are unedited:
"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
world, so he took the Sabbath off."
"Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
"Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
"Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."
"Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."
"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
the unwympathetic Genitals."
"Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah."
"Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles."
"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any more...

Most people assume WWJD is for “What would Jesus do? ” But the initials really stand
for “What would Jesus drive? ”
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because “the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury. ”
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the
Lord to “pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm. ”
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain “until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast. ”
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's
gospel where Christ tells the crowd, “For I did not speak of my own Accord. ”
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage
declaring, “the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills. more...

Moses, Jesus and some' ol geezer are going to play a round of golf. Moses tees off, the ball goes right into the pond. No problem! Moses walks over parts the water and hits the ball again, where it lands about 1 foot from the first hole.

Jesus then tees off and the ball goes flying off to the left, hits a tree, then miraculously bounces to about 6 inches from the hole.

The' ol geezer steps up, tees off, the ball heads right for the pond, a huge bass jumps up grabs the ball in its mouth, suddenly an eagle swoops down, grabs the bass and flies over the green, the bass drops the ball and it rolls to just about 2 inches from the hole! All of a sudden a worm pops up and knocks the ball in. A hole in one.

Moses looks at Jesus and says, "You know, I really hate it when your DAD plays."

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop more...

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up tothe tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and landsin the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto thegreen. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over thefairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. Theold man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing overthe fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it fallsinto the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As thefish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where alightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, theeagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops outof its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you dont stopfooling around, we more...

The Bush
George W. Bush Jr was in an airport lobby and noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George Bush approached the man and inquired, "Aren`t you Moses."
The man ignored George and stared at the ceiling.
George Bush positioned himself more directly in the man`s view and asked again, "Aren`t you Moses".
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George tugged at the man`s sleeve and asked once again, "Aren`t you Moses".
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".
George asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert".