Mountain Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Mountain bikes don't screw around.
2. Mountain bikes don't care if it's that time of the month.
3. Mountain bikes don't have parents.
4. Mountain bikes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. Mountain bikes don't care about professional sports.
6. You can share your mountain bike with your friends.
7. Mountain bikes don't care how many other mountain bikes you've ridden.
8. When riding, you and your mountain bike can arrive at the same time.
9. Mountain bikes don't care if other mountain bikes look at you.
10. Mountain bikes don't care if you look at other mountain bikes.
11. If your mountain bike goes flat you can fix it.
12. If your mountain bike is too short you can heighten it.
13. If your mountain bike is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
14. You can have a black & white mountain bike and bring it home to your parents.
15. You don't have to be jealous of other women who covet your mountain more...

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the more...

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about.
The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion."
Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'".
"Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals.
"Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady.
The more...

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about.The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion."Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'". "Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals."Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady. The second lady then muses more...

Four hockey fans are mountain climbing.
Each climber happens to be a rabid fan of a different NHL team.
As they climb higher and higher, they argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their particular team. Finally, as they reach the summit, the climber from Detroit takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, “This is for the Detroit Red Wings. ”
Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from St. Louis throws himself off the mountain, shouting, “This is for the St. Louis Blues. ”
Seeing this, the Ottawa climber walks to the edge and yells, “This is for hockey fans everywhere! ” He then pushes the fan from Toronto off.

George and God
George wanted to perform a leap of faith to prove to his friends that God does exist, so they all drove up to nearby Mount Sarcasm. At the top of the plateau they stopped and all got out and George says I will prove to you once and for all that God is real.
The friends all look at each other and laugh... one guy says Soooooo, let me get this straight...ya gonna jump of this mountain with no parachute and hope that this almighty is gonna catch ya?
Yes says George full of confidence.
The friends all laugh louder this time and goad George on to do the jump. One guy by the name of Sid says Hey George, since ya gonna die, can I have ya boots?
George sneered at the remark, ran towards the edge of the mountain and leapt off.
On the way down he gets very disconcerted that God had not shown up yet to save him and soon realises that he is going to die any second. His last vocal was OH, GOD HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee...thud!
The friends looked over more...

Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire, one a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor and the other a horn player.
The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring "I just killed the king of beers!".
The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!".
The horn player, ever so suave, reaches into his pack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses his bottle into the air and shoots the conductor. Grinning broadly at his fellow players he says "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this.".