Moved Jokes / Recent Jokes

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks."Thats a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him."Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

Diary EntriesAUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. Thehills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow coveringthem. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turnedall the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through thebeautiful hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful, certainly theyare the most wonderful animal on Earth. This must be paradise. I love ithere. NOV. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting tokill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon, I love it here. DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed inwhite. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow offthe steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), andwhen the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What abeautiful place. I love Ohio. DEC. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trickagain to more...

A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutley religioius woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her.
When the first rescue boat came in the worker called for her to come out but she just shook her head and said "Thank you, but my God will save me." Shaking his head the rescue worker moved on. The waters rose and she climbed to the second story of her home to wait for God.
A second boat came by and the worker called out "Listen lady we've got to get you out of here!" Once again she thanked him profusely and said "My God will save me."
The waters rose a third time forceing her to her roof. The water was just closing around her ankels when a third boat came by. "Lady, I'm the last boat out if you don't come now you're going to die." She just smiled "My God will save me" she said quietly. Frustrated the worker moved more...

A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutley religioius woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her.When the first rescue boat came in the worker called for her to come out but she just shook her head and said "Thank you, but my God will save me." Shaking his head the rescue worker moved on. The waters rose and she climbed to the second story of her home to wait for God.A second boat came by and the worker called out "Listen lady we've got to get you out of here!" Once again she thanked him profusely and said "My God will save me."The waters rose a third time forceing her to her roof. The water was just closing around her ankels when a third boat came by. "Lady, I'm the last boat out if you don't come now you're going to die." She just smiled "My God will save me" she said quietly. Frustrated the worker moved on.The waters rose once more...

His parents had just moved to town, and it was his first day in first
grade at the new school. He was really nervous, but he didn't do so badly,
he learned to count to '50', when most of the other kids could
only count to 30, (some kids got to 35, but our boy got all the way to 50
and only missed a couple of numbers)
Our hero was so excited, that when he got home he told his dad
how well he had done in school. His dad said "Son, you did so well
becuase you're an [ethnic]."
The next day the kids learned the alphabet in school. Most of th ekids got
as far as 'M' or 'Q', but our hero got all the way to 'Z', and only missed
a couple of letters.
That evening, bursting with pride, he told his dad how he had done better
than all the other students
on the alphabet. His dad said "Son, you did so well
becuase you're an [ethnic]."
The next day, in gym class, our hero notced that he was a bit more...

There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue, standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Notre Dame player to jump. He jumped and they moved it to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat.
They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump. They said they liked IU better than Norte Dame. So he jumped and the fire department moved the blanket to the left. The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk.
Then they called to the Purdue player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump. The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back, “Lay the blanket down on the sidewalk, and then I’ll jump! ”

An avid ice fisherman moved a short distance onto the ice and began to chop a hole.

Suddenly a voice boomed out from above: "There are no fish in there."

The man looked around but didn't see anyone. However, he heeded the advice and moved to a different spot on the ice to chop another hole.

Again, he heard the loud voice say: "There are no fish in there."

The fisherman still couldn't see anyone. But he accepted the fishing tip and began chopping a third hole farther out.

"There are no fish in there,' resounded the voice louder than ever

Still there was no one in sight, and by now, the fisherman was becoming afraid. "Are you God?" he asked meekly.

"No," the loudspeaker thundered. "I own this skating rink."