Mum Jokes / Recent Jokes
Mum: Havent you finished filling the salt shaker yet? Son: Not yet. Its really hard to get the salt through all those little holes!
A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical." What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked." My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees." No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"
Wee girl says to her mum: "Mum, can I have a Barbie and a Action man for my Christmas?"
Mum: "I thought Barbie comes with Ken?"
Girl: "No Mum, she comes with Action man; she fakes it with Ken"
Day1: A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?" Mum replies: "yes dear"Day 2:"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?" Mum replies: "yes dear"Day 3:"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?" Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.
A little girl asked her Mum, “Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat." What does that mean?" asked the child. Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said..... "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block so another dog is pushing her home."
Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father cant read his paper. Jackie: Wow, Im only eight and I can read it
What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas? Ince pies!