Nail Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny took his new chemistry set down to the basement where he stayed all afternoon mixing various liquids together. Eventually, his dad went down and found him surrounded by test tubes, pounding something into the wall. "Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?" asked his dad. "It's not a nail," said Johnny. "It's a worm! I tried to bring this worm back to life with my special chemical mixture, but my formula made the worm hard as a rock," he said as he showed his dad the liquid that he had soaked the worm in. "I'll tell you what. You give me the test tube with your special chemical mixture in it and I'll buy you a Toyota." So little Johnny handed the test tube over. The next day, when Johnny got home from school, he saw a brand new Mercedes-Benz parked in the driveway. He asked his dad about the car. "Oh," said the father, "your Toyota is in the garage. The Mercedes is from your mother."

Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away' cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

DURING my freshman biology class at North High School in Springfield, Ohio, our teacher was lecturing on the conditions in which bacteria exist. Elaborating on the acidic environment where certain bacteria thrive, he suggested a simple experiment. "I want you to drop a nail into a glass of Coke or Pepsi, and then observe the acidic reaction on the nail," he said. The girl sitting next to me raised her hand and asked in all seriousness, "Do you mean a real nail, or a press-on?"
- Contributed to "Tales Out of School" by Carolyn Stickney © 1996 The Reader's Digest Association, Inc. All rights reserved.

The following are actual products in Japan that have awful English mistranslations: "Discover Japanese People Alive in their Festivals!" (Japan Travel Bureau travel guide) Cookie Face (cosmetics) Salad Girl (more cosmetics) Skin clock for those wishing to become a dog (calendar) Naive Lady (toilet paper) The Goo (soup) Pork with fresh garbage (cabbage) Specialist in Deceased Children (diseased) Finest Moldy Cheese Liver Putty (Japanese SPAM) My Fanny Toilet Paper My Pee Diapers Nail Remover (nail polish remover) Pocari Sweat (beverage)

When a father came home, he asked his wife where their son was. She told him he was in the basement playing with his chemistry set. The father was curious, so he went downstairs to see what his son was doing. As he walked down the steps, he could hear a banging sound. When he got to the bottom, he saw his son pounding a nail into the wall.
"What are you doing, son?" the father asked. "I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?"
"Oh, this isn't a nail, Dad, it's a worm," his son replied. "When I put these chemicals on it, it became as hard as a rock."
The father thought about it for a moment and said, "Tell you what, son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Volkswagen."
Naturally, his son said, "Sure, why not."
The following day, his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then, his more...

Here's one I heard on the radio recently.
A father comes home and asks where his son is. His wife replies that he's
downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. The father is curious so he
wanders down stairs to see what his son is doing. As he's walking down the
steps he hears a banging sound. When he gets to the bottom he sees his son
pounding a nail into the wall. He says to his son, "What are you doing? I
thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a
nail into the wall?" His son replied, "This isn't a nail, dad, it's a worm. I
put these chemicals on it and it became hard as a rock."
His dad thought about it for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what
son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Volkswagon." His son
quite naturally said, ''Sure why not.''
The next day his son went into the garage
to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. more...

Travis Bogumill, a construction worker in Eau Claire, Wis., was shot with a nail gun that drove a 3 1/4 inch nail all the way into his skull, and the only difference he can see is that he's not quite the math whiz he used to be.
A co-worker accidentally bumped his head with the gun, and the nail went in so deep that the only thing visible was a small hole in Bogumill's scalp.
He remained conscious, turned to his co-worker and said, "You just nailed me in the head," Bogumill recalled. He said, "it felt like somebody was smacking my head repeatedly with a hammer."
Doctors told Bogumill that he shouldn't have been able to walk or talk after the accident, and that they're baffled why he wasn't knocked unconscious.
The nail lodged in an area of the brain typically involved in processing math according to Dr. John Lamoureux.
"You could give me two two digit numbers and I could multiply them within seconds in my head. But now you give me a piece more...