Nancy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I''ve just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That''s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn''t it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That''s because he''s inside your fricking cat."

Little 6 year old Nancy and her big sister, Sandy were at the mall, looking at a sweatshirt.
"That shirt is 60 dollars," said Sandy. "I wish I could afford it."
Then the shopkeeper comes up, and says, "Can I help you girls with something?"
"Well, this sweater is 60 dollars and we only have 43 dollars," said Nancy.
"Well, sorry, but you are a little short," said the shopkeeper.
"I can't help it, I'm only 6," Nancy replied.

Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password. It's her turn to guess the word. Voice Over: And the password is.. . black dick! Nancy: Um.. . is it a place? Her partner: No. Nancy: Is it a person? Her partner: No. Nancy: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it something Imight want to eat? Her partner, exasperated: Well, I dunno, maybe. Nancy: Is it black dick?

Q. Did you hear about the Nancy Kerrigan special at Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. Two small breasts and a bruised thigh.

An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Joe had carved: I love you, Nancy.
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Nancy quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-one million bucks.
Joe said, "We've got to give it back."
Nancy said, "Finders keepers."
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two Inspectors were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door.
"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
Nancy said, "No."
Joe said, more...

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?" Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"
"Viens a moi," replies Nancy.
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help., "Viens a moi, ladies, means' come to me' in French." Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, "That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"

I heard this joke from a Czech explaining how the new leadership in
Czechoslovakia was selected. I have modified this for an American
audience.
Everyone wondered how Reagan picked Bush for VP in the first place.
Well, this is the story: Reagan knew he had to make a choice; so
he asked Nancy how he should do this. Nancy told him that he should
ask the potential candidates a riddle and see how they do. She gave
Reagan a riddle to use.
So, the next day, Reagan goes to Bush and says, "Who is it who is your
father's son, but not your brother?" Bush replies, "Golly gee, Mr. Reagan,
That's difficult. I'll need to go and think about that one for a while."
In the evening Bush returns and happily shouts, "I got it, Ron! I figured
it out! It's me! It's me!"
Reagan than goes and presents the same riddle to one of the others
(maybe Connelly, maybe Ford) and says, "Who is it who is your father's
son, but more...