Nasty Jokes / Recent Jokes

Show up totally smashed. Be as obnoxious and unruly as possible. When the priest says his little "If anyone know any reason..." ditty, say, "Look at him! Look at her! These people should not reproduce!" or rattle off every mean, nasty thing the ex ever did to you, including that time when he went to see "Jesus Christ Superstar" with his mother on the night of your anniversary. Send hookers. Laugh incessantly during the ceremony, for no apparent reason. Trip the bride on the way up. Wrestling, anyone? Two words: bomb threat. Have a nice heart-to-heart with the mother of the bride (or groom). What you say is up to you, and the more horrid the better. Pretend you've been seeing the groom secretly. Claim you've had his love child and he looks just like him. Say you've had an affair with the bride if you're female, and the groom if you're male. Make a big production about how this is all killing you. Laugh at anyone who takes you seriously. Silly string! or, more...

Your momma so nasty she charges $10 for sex, gives ya lice, when ya come back to complain she says - "For $10 what do ya expect, lobster?

Your momma so nasty she charges $10 for sex, gives ya lice, when ya come
back to complain she says - "For $10 what do ya expect, lobster?

This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in the door he says, rapidly,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" At which point they usually ask him what it was he said, and he then says, "Terribly nasty weather." They then go off looking confused. A drunk a few stools down observes this and finally says, "Say, buddy, I see what'cher doin'-- you're putting people on! When somebody comes in the door you say, Tickle your ass with a feather, and when they say, What did you say to me? you say, terribly nasty weather." So the guy says to the drunk, "Yeah, it's fun putting people on. Come on down here and you do the next one that comes in." The drunk moves down to the end of the bar. In a few moments a person enters, and he says to her: "Stick a feather up your ass? She said,? excuse me, what did you say?? He says,? can you believe this fucking weather?

Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick areperched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Severalplain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm andsaunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly-- inquires, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard-- exclaims "What?!" Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats"Typical nasty weather?" "Oh," she demures, "yes," and goeson her way. More young lovelys walk by and the scene is repeated." Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What?" "Typical nasty weather?" Finally, Romeo delivers his line,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" and his prospect stops, smiles and invites him up to her room. Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention, decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likelyprospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts more...

Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick areperched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Severalplain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm andsaunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly-- inquires, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard-- exclaims "What?!" Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats"Typical nasty weather?" "Oh," she demures, "yes," and goeson her way. More young lovelys walk by and the scene is repeated."Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What?" "Typical nasty weather?"Finally, Romeo delivers his line,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" and his prospect stops, smiles and invites him up to her room. Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention, decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likelyprospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts more...

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.

Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."

Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"