Natives Jokes / Recent Jokes

An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!." There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay. .... NOW you're screwed."

South Africa, 1885. Coupla days before Rorkes Drift. 100 British soldiers (all dressed in that ridiculous red gear + bearskins) surrounded by 100,000 Zulus. It's been a long hot day and dusk is falling.
General Lord Upper-Class-Chinless-Wonder turns to his batman. "Corporal, it's too quiet. The natives are up to something and our relieving forces are still 2 days away".
Right on queue the sound of a chant, gradually rising, can be heard. Slowly but surely it reaches a deafening intensity. 100,000 Zulus all belting out their challenge - the prelude to battle.
Just as the soldiers think they can stand it no more the chanting ceases completely. Absolute silence. Almost audible in itself now the Zulus are hushed. The sound of war drums starts and gathers pace gradually until it is all around the defenders.
Once again the General turns to his loyal servant "Smith, I don't like the sound of those drums".
At which point all goes quiet and a Zulu pops more...

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly says, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and more...