Padre Jokes

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He thinks that the one thing he never did was to teach these natives how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and tells the chief,' this is a tree.' The chief looks at the tree and grunts,' tree.' The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says,' this is a rock.' At which the chief looks and grunts,' rock.'

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peaks over the top he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds,' riding a bike.' The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching more...

There was once a sexton who rang the bell in a church. That was his only means of livelihood as he was totally unlettered and could not even sign his name. Came a circular from the church authorities ordering the dismissal of all people employed in the church who couldn't read or write. So the poor fellow lost his job as a bell-ringer. He opened a small tea-stall near the church. It prospered. He opened a second, a third, and a fourth till he had a chain of tea-stalls across the country. He became a multi-millionaire. One day the padre of the parish came to ask for a donation to repair the church. He generously donated a million pounds. The grateful padre put a subscription voucher with the figure of a million pounds and asked him to sign it. He replied,' If I could have signed my name, I would still have been ringing the church bell.'

One day padre lost his bicycle. He was very distraught and consulted a friend about what to do. "It must be a member of your congregation who took it," said his friend. "Next Sunday after your sermon, read out the ten commandments. When you come to' thou shalt not steal'; pause and take a good look at the congregation. The one who stole it will look guilty and you will be able to spot him."
The following Sunday the friend asked the padre if he had found his bicycle. "Yes, indeed," replied the padre, "its back with me."
"So you followed my advice and found the guilty man?"
"In a way," replied the padre. "When I came to' thou shalt not commit adultery', I suddenly recalled where I had left it."

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes more...

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly says, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and more...