Needle Jokes / Recent Jokes

A dental surgery had been having an unusually busy day, and
ran out of local anaesthetic just before the last extraction
for the day was to be performed.
Keen to ensure that a far more painless extraction from the
patient's wallet would not be hindered, the dentist gave the
nurse a very large needle.
He instructed her to jab it firmly into the patient in the end
opposite to that from which the tooth was to be extracted,
when the signal was given.
It all happened in an instant. The patient and pliers were
in place. The signal was given, the needle driven well
home, and with a quick tug out came the tooth.
The dentist said, "Hurt much?"
The patient hesitated,
"Didn't even feel it come out... tell you what, though, the roots
were sure in deep!"
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A
man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving
him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening
drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through
what was left of his hair and he decided to open her
up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly
saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes,"
he thought to himself and opened her up further. The
needle hit 90, 100... Then the reality of the situation
hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and
pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without
a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long hard day, this is the end
of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel
like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration
or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good
excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before,
you can go."
The guy more...

A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke him when he nodded off. The next week when they were in church the husband, as always, fell asleep.
"Who created the Earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Oh my God!" The preacher said, "That's correct." And the husband sat down mumbling to himself. He soon fell asleep again.
The preacher got to the question "Who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?" The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" And the preacher said, "Right again." With this, the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping more...

Every weekend Wilma and Barny go to church.During the service Barney falls asleep.One afternoon Wilma asks the priest what she can do about it, and the priest hands her a needle."
What do I do with this?"
She asked."
Well whenever he falls asleep prick him with it."
The priest replied.
So the following week during the service Barney goes to sleep.The priest asks "
Who is our savior?"
Wilma pricks Barney with the needle and he yells "
JESUS!!"
a few moments later he goes back to sleep.
The priest then asks "
Who is the father of Christ?"
Again Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out "
GOD!!"
A few minutes later he goes back to sleep.
The priest then asks "
What did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time?"
Wilma poked Barney with the needle again and he yells "
IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME more...

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastro-enteritis specialist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote,' HE'S GOING TO STICK A 17, 000 FEET LONG TUBE UP YOUR BEHIND!'*
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called' MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of our enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my more...

The once was a lung doctor waiting outside a patient's room of who she didn't know. A different doctor came up to her with a shot canister and said 'I need you to go in the and draw blood from this guy' 'Ok, simple!' she responded. She walks in the room and there strapped down to the table was a big muscley guy who was in there for taking drugs.' He sits there struggling to get out. The wrist bands look as if they're about to break. The lung doctor storms out of there and spots the doctor. She says 'Ok if you want to get a needle stuck and play hostage today that's fine. But there's no way in hell I'm going in there and sticking that hulk with a needle' She hands him the shot canister and walks away. Under his breath he says 'Crap now who should i ask..?'