Negative Jokes / Recent Jokes

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such a Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
Thanx to W. F. Norman.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up,' Yeah, right.'

Q: Why couldn't the negative pair square things away?
A: Because they had complex issues!

Positive Thinking for Christmas
Lately there's been a lot of negative images and about Christmas conjured up. Usually it's from TV, movies, books, and the Internet. This makes for a sad, dreary Christmas, just the opposite, as what it should be. To cheer up the dreariness, caused by these negatives, the following list should be used. First is listed the negative idea or image. Then is the positive thinking needed to replace those negatives. So with positive thinking everyone will have a Joyous and Happy Christmas Season.
1. Negative
On TV and in movies Santa Claus shown as a drunk being hauled of to jail.
Positive
Think of how easy it is to get a bicycle, instead of your usual lump of coal, by mugging Santa.
2. Negative
How Santa might not get to your house before morning, because of a blizzard.
Positive
How fast the sled and reindeer can fly with a 60 mile per hour tail wind.
3. Negative
Elfs going on strike and there are no toys in the more...

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

THE PROBLEM
Having to write letters of recommendation for people with very dubious qualifications can cause serious legal troubles in a time when laws have eroded the confidentiality of business letters. In most states, job applicants have the right to read the letters of recommendations and can even file suit against the writer if the contents are negative.
THE SOLUTION
Here is an arsenal of statements that can be read two ways: You are able to state a negative opinion of the ex-employees poor work habits, while allowing the ex-employee to believe that it is high praise. When the writer uses these, whether perceived correctly or not by the ex-employee, the phrases are virtually litigation-proof.
1. To describe a person who is extremely lazy:
"In my opinion," you say as sincerely as you can manage, "you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you."
2. To describe a person who is totally inept:
"I most more...