Neighbour Jokes / Recent Jokes

A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark. Hello, Jenny, said the neighbour. Isnt it time for little girls to be in bed? How would I know? asked Jenny. I havent got any little girls.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says,"I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"
Moral of more...

Here's a hypothetical situation:
I drove home late last night and drove over the neighbour's
cat. What should I do?
A. hide the cat and let them think it ran away?
(b) wedge the cat under the neighbor's tire so they think
they did it?
(c) paint a hexagram on their front lawn and put the cat
in the middle so they think that crazy Satanists did it?
(d) throw the cat into my other neighbour's yard?
(e) tell them that the cat will come back?
(f) claim that I had the right of way and the cat
had no business running in front of the car when it
obviously knew I was going to accelerate?
(g) put the cat in the garborator so there isn't any
evidence?
(h) put the cat in a tree, call the fire department
and let them try to explain it?
(i) explain that when cats get to a certain age
they just lie around a lot and smell bad?
(j) tell them that I ran over their cat with my car?
(l) move away?
(m) buy them a new cat more...

A concerned neighbour rings up the police because he suspects his next door neighbour to be hiding canabis in his firewood.The police arrive at the mans house and start chopping up all his firewood. They find nothing, swear at the man and leave.A few seconds later the neighbour gets a phone call."It's Tony, did the police come and chop your firewood""yeh mate they did""happy birthday mate".

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately,
the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour
happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if
your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of
the meat?"
The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"
"$7.98."
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to
it was an invoice that read, "Legal Consultation Service: $150."

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to aneighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensedat the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liablefor the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how muchwas the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received acheck in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:"Legal Consultation Service: $150."

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

"What's wrong Tracey? " she asked.

Tracey told her that she had "morning sickness". Surprised the neighbour said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant."

"I'm not." the harried young woman replied. "I'm just damn sick of mornings."