Neighbour Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Nancy was in the backyard filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the girl was up to he asks, "What are you up to there Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your f****g cat!"
A woman gets out of the shower, and the doorbell goes, her husband yells to her to get the door, so she hurrys down the stairs with just a towel on.
When the women opens the door to find her next door neighbour dave at the door, hes shocked to see her in just a towel and says "if you drop your towel i will give you five hundred pounds" the woman is confused but evenutally says yes and she drops her towel and he gives her the money.
She closes the door and runs up to her husband to tell him, he asks "who was that" she replies " dave from next door" the husband then says " good, did he give you that five hundred pounds, that he owed me"
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to aneighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensedat the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liablefor the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how muchwas the roast?" "$7. 98." A few days later the butcher received acheck in the mail for $7. 98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:"Legal Consultation Service: $150."
Neighbour: Havent I seen you on TV? Actor: Well, I do appear, on and off, you know. How do you like me? Neighbour: Off.
They have got to be joking! Only in America....................!!!
In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2. 9 million U. S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U. S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
All these cases are verging on the outright ridiculous and yet with the right attorney you could win anything! (see OJ trial)
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded
780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old, Carl Truman of Los Angeles won 74, 000 and medical more...
A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," hesaid. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour said, "Who doyou think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no suchanimal."Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," hepleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog inAmerica. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated tentimes.""Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him forjust five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of allhis lies."