Newlyweds Jokes / Recent Jokes

A carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist had a mutual friend who was getting married and each was determined to play a practical joke on the newlyweds. The electrician decided to wire up the marriage bed so that when the two bodies touched, they got a shock. The carpenter planned to saw partly through the bed frame so that it would collapse when the shocked newlyweds jumped apart. As the wedding approached, the dentist was still scratching his head and trying to come up with something. After the honeymoon, the new husband confronted his three friends and said,' I didn't mind too much when we got zapped,' he told them,' and we both had a good laugh when the bed fell down. But who in heck put Novocaine in the Vaseline?'

The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see." A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman? !?!?" The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please! I'm going to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church.The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple were newlyweds. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can, and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then.lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church."That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite." Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk." Only one, " replied the groom, "she won't take it up the ass."

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin in the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and hadn't been seen for five days. The elderly woman who ran the resort got concerned about the welfare of the newlyweds, and sent her husband to check on them. The husband knocks on the door of the cabin, and a weak voice from inside answers.

The old man asks, "Are you young folks all right?"

"Yes, we're fine," the man answered. We're living on the fruits of love."

The old man replied, "I kinda figured that. Say...would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking my ducks!"

A newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday, and they had not been seen for five days.
An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were alright. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were okay.
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love," came the reply.
The old man responded, "I thought so. Would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking my ducks!"

When I was a church custodian, thene Pastor that was my boss, would have me help before, during and after weddings. He was an older Priest, but he was ahead of his time. He walked up & down the isles while preaching (years before it was an order) and he even had a shirt collar microphone 3years before any other Pastor!
Immediately after a wedding, the Bride & Groom would walk out of the church and stand outside, at the main doors of the church, and accept the well-wishes of the people who attended the wedding (ie a "recieving line").
Meanwhile I would be in the church, quickly gathering up the white runner (from the center isle) and straightening up the Alter area & would put all the large and small Alter chairs back against the Alter walls, so they wedding party could return to the Alter for the "Wedding photo shoot" (after the attendees went to the Reception Hall).
Meanwhile my boss, The Pastor, would collect up the wedding items, Holy Water and etc., more...